Being in transition- the process of or a period of changing from one state to another- is probably the worst, yet best, state one can possibly be to be in. It is the best because it can mean you are moving up, moving on or just moving forward- all of which are excellent, and crucial, pieces to a fulfilling life. But those moments between remaining in point A and reaching point B, where you become acutely aware of yourself stuck in the sticky web of life transitions, can be some of the most soul sucking, frustrating and desperate moments you ever experience.
When you realize your heart isn’t in something anymore, it is hard to stand still. You can see that your heart has been set free of it’s cage and it is our instinct to run after it. But there are rules, regulations, logic and logistics in this world that oftentimes, must come first. And so you wait.
And so, here I wait. Again. Sometimes I feel like I am always waiting. Waiting for the workday to end, waiting to lose ten more pounds, waiting for Mr. Right, waiting for my mother to finally understand me, waiting to figure out what I want to do with my life. Waiting. Waiting without a clock.
Admittedly, I still hate waiting and probably always will. But I have learned to approach the waiting game of life with more composure now- the patience of an adult, even if inside, I am throwing a childlike temper tantrum full of flailing limbs and cursory shouts. If there is one thing I have learned since my divorce, it’s that sometimes you cannot force things to happen exactly when you want them to lest you risk ruining everything. You oftentimes cannot control life, as the universe works in strange and funny ways. And therefore, it pays to play the role of someone calm, cool and calculating rather than the demanding child, acting on emotional whims. Collect your information. Gather your thoughts without acting immediately upon them. Let things sit sometimes.
And then, before you know it, it will be time to pounce. It will be time to sink your claws into some new opportunity, or feeling, or desire. But do not rush. Wait until the universe hands you the key. For if you listen closely, it will always give you the signal.