You Know You Are *Really* Single When…

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You know you are really, truly living the single life when:

1.  Your love life is pretty much vicariously lived through fictional characters.  You have more of a relationship with at least one of the following: Peeta Mellark, Christian Grey, Kellan Kyle, Derek Shepherd, Gideon Cross, or Noah Calhoun–than any guy with an actual pulse and social security number. And you kinda prefer it that way. 9abe2a30726df321db557bcaf6de1f7e.jpg 0816226a4631059277cadf06f57111a9.jpg

2.   You turn down the chance to hook up with your F.W.B (friend with benefits) because you genuinely rather get other things done.  Like brush the dog’s teeth.  Man, that’s been on the to-do list for a while…

3.  Since your love life is more D.O.A. than any given Friends episode, you actually have resorted to viewing porn.  Something you never did before and would never admit to out loud.

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4.  75% of the contents of your fridge are liquid (mostly alcoholic).  The remaining 24% are items that have gone bad and you are just to lazy to throw them out. There may be a stray cheese stick and English muffin that are potentially still edible if you search hard enough.photo 2

5.  You haven’t cleaned your tub since January.  And you don’t care.  Cleaning in general can be relegated to the day before any company might be coming over and only areas seen by public are necessary to be cleaned.

6.  When one of your friends got engaged, you used to get green with envy.  Now your mind quickly turns to thoughts of the inevitable bickering and the general idea of putting someone else first and that sigh of longing quickly turns into a sigh of relief.

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7. Your phone is filled with more pictures of your pets than actual people

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8.   You used to complain about sleeping alone.  Now overnight guests in your bed are really just an annoyance.  No, seriously, I don’t want to cuddle, I want to stretch out my legs.  Get the hell out of my bed.

9.  You have full on conversations with your animals (this one is kind of a cheat because I did this long before I was single, but it’s definitely gone to a new level…)

10.  You find Wine and Potato Chips in bed are perfectly acceptable dinner plans.

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11  .You used to get antsy around 3pm on those nights you had big plans.  Now you get antsy at 3pm with the prospect of being in bed in less than three hours with a glass of wine and How I Met Your Mother re-runs on Netflix.  And this is despite the fact that you are, really, an extrovert.

12.  You have reached a new level of comfort with nakedness.  You live alone, so no one is going to see you, so who cares?  Sleeping, lounging, eating- whatever.  You have found that none of it actually requires clothing when no one is there as a witness.

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13. Bed at 9pm on a Friday night seems perfectly acceptable.  As does 3am.  Hell, you have no one to answer to so who cares?

14.  When you missed a friend’s call and go to call them back, you secretly hope it goes to voice mail.  I mean this convo is totally going to cut into your smutty novel reading time, which is way important…because ya know…see #1.

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One thought on “You Know You Are *Really* Single When…

  1. Pingback: The Best, Worst Time Of My Life | Separate Ways

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