Anywhere But Here

Today, when I close my eyes…

…I am somewhere with the whisper of the ocean beckoning me.  I can feel the warm breeze, smell the salt and hear the waves crashing. Laying face down on a plush lounge chair, my fingertips lazily drag along the soft, pink, sand.  I am drifting in and out of sweet consciousness as I bask in the welcoming glow of the sun.

…I am feeling my skin prune and stray, damp hairs cling to the nape of my neck as I lean against the cool porcelain tiles.   Even the tiniest of my movements slosh the water in a deep, claw foot tub.  Soft melodies and the voice of Ella Fitzgerald croon gently in the background as the candle light flickers across the wall.  I am alone and at peace in this room of solitude and relaxation.  I wiggle my toes, blow a tuft of bubbles off the tip of my nose and breath in the smell of lavender as my muscles truly unclench for the first time in years.

…I am clinging to the arm of my seat on a tour bus and absentmindedly pat my side, where my passport sits safely in a pouch, under my clothes.  As we traverse a bumpy road to our next exciting destination, my anticipation swells. Looking out the cloudy window I see an expanse of landscape that, in and of itself, is breathtaking and awe inspiring.  I silently watch the people we pass and try to piece together a sense of what their life is like.  Despite minimal sleep, I am awake and alert as ever with adrenaline coursing through my veins.

…I am listening to the sweet trill of the birds as my body sways side-to-side, safely cocooned in a hammock. Above me  light slices through the trees haphazardly creating a canvas of green and gold.  The air is nearly still but my body sways in my suspend nest of cotton and twine as my book rests lazily on my chest.  The smell of fresh cut grass lingers and my lips purse around a straw to bring up the fresh iced tea I have in my glass.

…I am in the dark of the night and a fire flares before me.  The heat is just enough to chase the chill of the midnight hour.  I pull the fleece blanket draped around my shoulders closer and watch the fireflies light up the skies over the surrounding field.  I nurse the remainder of my chilled beer, as I listen to friends chatter.  Animated stories and laughter ring so loud and full of emotion, it almost seems to be what keeps the fire ablaze rather than the wood itself as the flames dance with as much exuberance as the glee surrounding it.  My tummy is full with s’mores and grilled food, but my head is light and dizzy with love and laughter.

…I am in a plush hotel room with no worries, no plans, and no clothes.  Next to me slumbers the love of my life and my heart swells at the thought of him.  I relish in our skin-on-skin contact as I sink further into the thousand-thread count sheets and he, sleepily, plants a soft kiss on my bare shoulder.  Draping an arm over me, he pulls me closer and we both drift off into a mid-day slumber just as the afternoon light slices through the tiniest slit in the heavy drapes.

…I am in a world where I am loved and life is kind.  No one knows my my history, or my mistakes.  I am only me as they see me; I am free to come as I am.  I am accepted and understood.  I no longer need to justify my actions or my thoughts and put other people ahead of myself.  I can be me, and that is enough.  My regrets and the pain that has made it’s home deep in my core, for so long, vanishes with each breath in the, dewy, morning air.  In this world, life is not the constant struggle against the current, but rather the slow and easy drift down the stream with all the stunning sights along the way.

I am anywhere but here.  I am in a dream.



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