Musings #4: I’m Going on a Date Tonight


Typically, especially for the work day, I throw on just enough make up to avoid startling the public masses and hide all those socially deemed imperfections-dark circles, pimples and my lovely jaundice-hued skin tone.  But tonight I have a full palate of make up on. Not just the bare essentials but also mascara, eyeliner and some lip color.  My hair has been straightened for the first time in three weeks (it has been pret-ty steamy here so throwing up a wet messy bun has seemed like the easiest best option).  I have a dress on that is cute but a touch sexy with some open back.  I’m ready.  I’m ready for my first date in several months.

Now before we go any further, I have a confession: I already kissed him. I kissed him at the larger social gathering where we met last week.  We were drunk and it was late and he was cute, so I went for it.  No harm, no foul.  That said, I didn’t feel…sparks.  I didn’t feel anything especially magical/tingly/exciting/breathtaking etc.  I mean, I liked him enough to agree to see him again- but is it all doomed because I didn’t feel that special something we see in movies?  The ‘a-ha-this-is-my-soul-mate’ nonsense is missing.  And part of me does feel like it’s nonsense.  But part of me still craves it.  I mean I have felt this way (to an extent) before.  The initial chemistry and connection.  Meeting a person and having the insatiable feeling of wanting to be with and know them in every way possible.  I know this ‘spark’ exists in some capacity, not only from my own previous experience, but because there are too many songs, stories and movies made about said nonsense.

With all of that in mind, perhaps this line of thinking is where I am going wrong?  Perhaps this is why I am single?  Should I follow a more logically anointed path?  One less glamorous and theater-worthy?  On paper this guy has it all: smart, kind, good job, sense of humor, good group of friends, etc etc etc.  When do you say enough with the hold out for your own personal Notebook scene and give the poor guy who is just trying to be nice a chance?  But going with the “nice guy” who had it all on paper and nothing in spirit is what got me into my marital mess.  Where is the line?  Where is the balance?  Help.  Because I am very lost and confused and everywhere I turn seems to have a contradicting answer or sign.

So here it is all simple and condensed: if upon a first meeting, you don’t feel the instant desire and swoon, is he worth pursuing? Or are you wasting your time? Or is the waste of time waiting for the real-life Ryan Gosling to show up with his 365 letters and passion filled kiss in the rain?



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